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Vol 1. No 2. November, 1997
A Virus That Lost Interest
Positive Thinking
Brad Johnston
Every so often I ask myself this question. If a virus doesn’t manifest itself physically, does it really exist? This is an uncharacteristically zen concept for me to be proposing, but sometimes I wonder why, despite my health, I remain stubbornly asymptomatic. For more than six years I have waged recreational rebellion against an unseen oppressor and I’m beginning to think that it’s a futile battle. Unlike many, my medical record has been spectacularly nondescript. Nothing so much as a sniffle in years.
I could attribute this to fortune, a strong constitution, the fact that I have ignored the virus until it has lost interest. I guess I should be happy. Optimism, it seems, is not transmissible. I suppose I should question the definition of asymptomatic.
Does a total lack of motivation count? What about the inability to see beyond tomorrow? Are these symptoms of living in a world where instant gratification just doesn’t come fast enough? Now that I’m the proud owner of what might be a chronic manageable illness, it’s time to create the future which has until now been unimaginable. You know, quit smoking, build a career. Any evidence that I am actually participating in life will do.
It’s a scary thought, one that has passed through the minds of many I dare say. Of course, we now have the luxury of dealing with life’s little details, but it is the larger picture which is giving me trouble. Is it just me, or is the prospect of life almost as frightening as the prospect of death? Just as youth is an invaluable excuse for bad behaviour, a terminal illness can be extremely handy.
It’s amazing what a pariah can get away with. Unfortunately, we now have a new image, that of the Phoenix rising from the ashes of our friends and lovers. We have been handed the next best thing to a cure and we are duty-bound to accept it with grace, use it correctly and capitalise on its effect. Sensibleness is something which I have admired in others but never really aspired to. Now that it’s a moral imperative, I don’t know what to do.
Inertia is terribly unfashionable right now. Death can be taking a holiday, but so did ambition back in 1991. Of course death, like an ex-boy-friend, can turn up at any time, quite unexpectedly and unwelcome. I suppose this is an improvement on the dreaded guest whom you know is due to arrive any minute and I should be grateful that I have time to redecorate before it does. A spiritual spring cleaning! Too bad I’m living in the vacuum I need to complete the task.
- Sydney Star Observer
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