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Vol 1. No 6. March, 1998
EDITORIAL
Monogamy or not to be
I don't believe in monogamy and this is why: it's restrictive, impractical and highly unrealistic. Your average guy is little more than a biological machine raging with hormones, and expecting such a one to remain "faithful" till death do you part is one sure way to get your heart broken. It doesn't happen. Am I being cynical? Perhaps. And just the same, perhaps I'm being pragmatic.
I've talked to lots of guys - young and old - and with few exceptions, strict monogamy is rare indeed. What they say, and what they do, are often two different things. Most opine that monogamy would be "nice" but they themselves are unable to abide by it.
As with so many things, one has to look to Mother Nature for a little guidance. Males most often make it their primary duty to get as many of their genes into the gene pool as possible - roughly translated, that means having sex with as many creatures as possible. The female, on the other hand, often saddled with the responsibility for the offspring, is far more choosey in her choice of a partner: she wants the best, strongest, most fit, healthiest, the most perfect partner available. And rightly so. She also has little interest in non-monogamous relationships because "sharing" her mate with others will lead to a loss of resources for herself and her offspring. (You can argue the sexism of this if you will, but this is standard biological fare.)
Consequently, when two men get together, their primary urge is to - surprise - have sex with as many people as possible. They may not understand this. They may not be aware of it. They are simply driven - by genes, by hormones, by all the things that make up the male species of any type of animal.
If you carry on with this line of thinking, you'll soon realise the pointlessness of trying to force two men to be monogamous. Fact is, they may very well be incapable of it. When Mother Nature calls, one tends to respond, willingly or not.
My point in making this point is simply this: why not ackowledge this to be the case and get on with it?
Sex and love are two vastly different things. Finding someone sexually attractive is not difficult; finding someone to love is. And when you find that somone, expecting them to be able to satisfy your sexual needs for the rest of your life is probably a bit absurd.
Far better - and far more practical - to acknowledge the fact that once in awhile you will feel that certain urge to go out and do that certain thing - and leave it at that. After all, how many times do you wake up in the morning next to that hot stud and discover you can't get rid of him fast enough?
There's something to be said for being generous enough to allow your partner some sexual freedom. As long as you know, at the end of the day, he'll come home to you, what real difference does it make?
- Nick Wilde
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